After reading the Learning Activity “Essentials of Listening,” do you think you can model effective listening skills for others? Why or why not? Can effective listening be taught? Please explain. Now, select two of the six components of effective listening as stated by Adair (2003) and give examples to show how you could model those components at work.
Essentials of Listening
Introduction
Listening is a necessary requirement of effective communication. As
you read this section, consider the importance of listening in
interpersonal communication.
Research shows that we engage in listening more than in any other
form of communication activity.© fabervisum/iStock/Thinkstock
One of the most neglected interpersonal communication skills, and a
core competence one must master to be an effective communicator,
is listening. You cannot understand others, respond appropriately to
what they say, and provide helpful feedback if you have not listened.
Although we have been taught by our parents and teachers to speak,
read, and write since early childhood, very few people have had
formal classes in listening. This gap in education is particularly
troubling because research shows that we engage in listening more
than in any other form of communication activity. One study
estimated that 45% of all communication time is spent listening,
compared with 30% speaking, 16% reading, and 9% writing (Hayes,
1991). In this section of the text, we will explore some of the most
important information about effective listening.
Although most people think they are fairly good listeners, studies
show that the majority of people listen poorly and inefficiently (Lee &
Hatesohl, 1993). One reason for poor listening is little training in the
subject. Another reason, however, is that people can think faster
than they can speak. Humans have the mental capacity to hear and
understand words spoken at 400 to 500 words per minute; however,
most people speak at about 100 to 125 words per minute. Thus,
while someone is speaking to you, you have a great deal of “extra
time” to let your mind wander and to think of things other than what
the speaker is saying.
Most people are also generally inefficient listeners; they tend to
forget rather quickly what has been said. Research studies have
shown that immediately after listening to a 10-minute oral
presentation, the average listener retains only about 50 percent of
what he or she heard. Within 48 hours, we forget about 50% of that
information, for an overall retention of about 25% efficiency (Lee &
Hatesohl, 1993). Because humans are inefficient listeners, it is
important to try to retain as much as possible when you listen.
Hearing Is Not Listening
We sometimes confuse hearing with listening. Listening involves
hearing, but it is much more than just the physiological act of your
ears perceiving a sound and transmitting the auditory sensation to
your brain. Listening is a complex psychological process that can be
defined as the process of physically hearing, interpreting that sound,
and understanding the significance of it (Hayes, 1991). Listening is
essential to the symbolic process of creating meaning and attempting
to discern the meaning that other people give to a message.
Effective listening is a process that requires six distinct components:
(1) motivating yourself to listen, (2) clearly hearing the message, (3)
paying attention to the message, (4) correctly interpreting the
message, (5) evaluating the message, and (6) remembering and
responding appropriately (Adair, 2003). Let us examine each of these
components in detail.
Motivation to Listen
Being motivated to listen when someone speaks means approaching
the situation with an open mind and an expectation of gaining
something from the speaker. It also means making a conscious choice
to make eye contact with the speaker, to focus on what he or she is
saying, and to pay attention to the nonverbal behaviors that
accompany the verbal message.
Clearly Hearing the Message
You cannot listen if you cannot hear the speaker, so hearing must be
an integral part of the listening process. If there is a great deal of
external noise in the communication environment, or if you are
focused on something in your own experience (internal noise) and
cannot give the speaker your full attention, it is impossible to be an
effective listener. Virginia Satir (1976) suggests that when you do not
clearly hear the speaker, you often make up what you think the other
person said. We tend to make an assumption and then hold the other
person responsible for not communicating effectively.
Paying Attention
Paying attention means focusing on the message. However, you must
remember that people send not only verbal messages but nonverbal
messages as well. Nonverbal messages are often beyond conscious
control, so they may be a more accurate reflection of what the other
person is thinking or feeling than the words they speak. To be a good
listener, you must focus on both the verbal and nonverbal messages
and give people your undivided attention when you listen—which is
very difficult to do.
Throughout the day, you have many competing demands for your
attention. To listen and attend to a speaker, you must shut out
external noise, silence your internal noise, disregard distractions,
avoid making judgments about the speaker while he or she is talking,
and resist the temptation to interrupt and speak yourself. You must
also try not to be distracted by other physical objects in the external
environment that might catch your attention. In other words, paying
attention is hard work!
Interpreting the Message
Meaning is in people, not in their words or nonverbal behavior. To
correctly interpret a message, you must know what the symbols
mean to the person who is using them, and we all interpret symbols
differently. Personal biases and past experiences, for example, can
color your conclusions about the meaning of a message. For instance,
based on your experiences with others, perhaps you have learned to
associate someone’s failure to make eye contact when they talk to
you as evidence that they are lying. Thus, if someone does not make
eye contact with you, you may immediately suspect that he or she is
being untruthful.
Evaluating the Message
When you have heard and attended to a message and then
interpreted it, you must then decide what you think or feel about
that information. The results of this evaluation usually determine
how you will respond.
The problem with evaluation is that sometimes we do not wait for
the speaker to finish speaking before we evaluate. While the speaker
is speaking, we may already be making a judgment about what he or
she is saying or planning our response. This premature evaluation
gets in the way of listening. Most of us have had the experience of
jumping to conclusions, responding, and then finding out that what
we thought the speaker was going to say was different from what
was actually said. It is important that you guard against premature
judgments and wait until the speaker has concluded before
evaluating the message.
Remembering and Responding Appropriately
If you follow the previous steps in the listening process, your ability
to remember what the speaker has said and to respond appropriately
is much improved. What constitutes an appropriate response is
different for every communication situation, but sometimes the most
appropriate response is not a statement at all—it is a question. If
there is any doubt in your mind about the meaning of what a speaker
has said, it is important to ask questions to ensure that you have
interpreted the message correctly before you offer feedback. Your
questions can help you respond appropriately to the situation.
Another method you can use to ensure understanding is
to paraphrase. Paraphrasing involves restating what the other person
said using different words. For example, imagine that you are at work
and a colleague approaches you and says, “I am unhappy with
management’s communication.” You could ask the question, “What
are you unhappy about?” or you might instead paraphrase the
statement and then ask if your interpretation is correct. You could
say, for instance, “You’re saying that management does not
communicate with us enough, right?”
Types of Listening
We can categorize listening in many ways, but it may be useful to
distinguish four types of listening suggested by Hargie, Saunders, and
Dickson (1987) that most of us engage in during day-to-day
interactions.
Comprehension Listening
Comprehension listening may also be called “critical listening,” and it
occurs when you are listening for facts, information, or ideas that
may be of use to you. You might engage in comprehension listening
when you are attending a lecture or taking part in a business meeting
or a classroom discussion. With comprehension listening, you must
focus attention on hearing, understanding, and remembering specific
pieces of information that you may need later. Listening, taking
notes, and asking questions of the speaker are useful ways of
ensuring that you capture and comprehend the important
information and can review it later to refresh your memory.
Evaluative Listening
© Ingram Publishing/Thinkstock
Evaluative listening is common when you talk with salespeople or
engage in a negotiation with someone or when someone is
attempting to persuade you with their ideas, attitudes, or opinions. In
these conversations, it is important that you listen for the speaker’s
main points and determine their strengths and weaknesses so that
you can formulate an effective response such as countering the
arguments or presenting important points that the speaker may not
have included. Listening for opportunities to collaborate or to agree
with the speaker, and build rapport, are also important with this type
of listening.
Empathic Listening
© monkeybusinessimages/iStock/Thinkstock
With empathic listening, you make a deliberate attempt to connect
with another person and to put yourself in his or her shoes or provide
a supportive listening environment. Empathic listening is used in
counseling sessions, performance appraisals, and situations where
someone has a need to talk and be understood by another person.
Empathic listening requires that you demonstrate a willingness to be
nonjudgmental and to listen openly to the speaker’s thoughts and
feelings.
Appreciative Listening
© Jose Luis Pelaez Inc/Blend Images/Thinkstock
Appreciative listening is listening for pleasure or enjoyment. You
might practice this type of listening when you listen to your children
playing. Appreciative listening involves the listener seeking out
signals or messages he or she wants to hear. You might listen to
make sure the children are getting along well, but if all is well, you let
your mind wander and simply enjoy the act of listening.
Poor Listening Habits
See if you recognize yourself in some of the poor listening habits
discussed next. You may not exhibit these behaviors all the time;
however, we all have some bad listening habits or we get tired,
irritated, distracted, or excited about events in our own lives and do
not listen as effectively as we should. The following list is not
complete; many other behaviors also get in the way of our becoming
good listeners. Working to become more aware of the need to listen
closely to what others say is essential to improving interpersonal
communication skills.
As you assess your own listening, if you recognize some of your bad
habits, breaking them is not difficult. The key is simply to replace the
poor listening habit with a good habit. By practicing good listening
habits, you will find that you understand and retain much more of
what you hear and improve your overall communication skills.
Prejudging the Speaker or the Information
Imagine that you have received an email inviting you to attend a
meeting that features a guest speaker. The topic of the speaker’s
presentation is listed on the email and is one that you are not
interested in. You might say to yourself, “What a boring topic. I will
probably fall asleep during that meeting!” You have already
prejudged the presentation as boring, so your motivation to listen—
the first step in the listening process—is not there. When the speaker
begins talking, instead of listening, you probably begin thinking about
something else. Rather than succumbing to the habit of prejudging,
resolve to keep an open mind when you listen to others to see if you
can learn something from what the speaker has to say.
Interrupting
People who interrupt others while they are speaking are often
thinking about what they want to say next or jumping to conclusions
rather than paying attention to what the other person is saying. Then
they interrupt the speaker to make their own point, to finish the
other person’s sentence, or to respond prematurely. To correct this
habit, exercise patience. Some of us think, move, and talk at a faster
pace than others. If this description fits you, make it a point to slow
down and, if possible, let the other person finish talking before you
jump in to say something.
Daydreaming
© diego_cervo/iStock/Thinkstock
Becoming wrapped up in your own thoughts and not paying attention
to the other person who is speaking often results in pseudo-listening,
pretending to listen but not being completely there mentally.
Although you may interject an “uh-huh” once in a while to suggest
that you are listening, the fact that you are not is usually obvious to
the other person because your nonverbal behavior gives you away.
If you are faking listening and thinking about something other than
what the other person is saying, you usually break eye contact, stare
at something else in the environment, or make an inappropriate
response that alerts the other person that you have not been paying
attention. This behavior is often interpreted as an indication that you
do not care about what the other person is saying.
If daydreaming is one of your conversation habits, work at
consciously making continual eye contact with the other person.
Continue to give verbal listening responses such as saying “uh-huh,”
“I see,” or “I understand,” but also nod occasionally or give other
nonverbal signals to indicate that you are interested in what the
other person is saying.
Becoming Distracted
We know that we are bombarded with stimuli in our environment. If
someone walks by while you and another person are talking, if the
phone rings, or if you become aware of other things going on around
you, your nonverbal behavior will usually make this fact obvious. The
break in eye contact with the other person as well as changes in your
facial expression or other body language may indicate that you have
become distracted and are not focused on the conversation. Most of
us become perturbed when someone we are talking with yields to
distractions because we often interpret that behavior to mean that
something else is more important than we are.
Although most of us have become adept at multitasking in this fastpaced world, taking a call on your cell phone or responding to text
messages while you are having a conversation with someone else is
not only yielding to distraction, but many people consider it rude.
Maslow reminded us that everyone has a need to be recognized and
appreciated, so let the person you are communicating with know that
you care about what they have to say by resisting the temptation to
become distracted.
Focusing on the Speaker Instead of the Message
It is impossible to be a good listener when you are focusing on the
person rather than on the message. When you let your thoughts
about the appearance, language, delivery, or personality of the
speaker become the center of your attention, you fail to fully attend
to the message itself. Work to shut judgments about the speaker’s
appearance, tone of voice, or other such factors out of your mind
when you are speaking with someone, and focus on the words and
the meaning rather than on the person delivering the message.
Becoming Emotional
Whether the emotion is a positive one such as delight in what the
speaker is saying or a negative one such as anger at what is being
said, exhibiting emotion while someone is talking shifts the focus
from the speaker to the listener and often requires the speaker to
attend to dealing with those emotions. It can also cause your mind to
wander as you spend mental time formulating counterarguments or
reacting in some other way to the message. Although emotions are
normal and are to be expected in conversation, especially when
information of a personal or sensitive nature is being shared, it is
helpful to hear the speaker out and to try to control these emotions
until the remarks are finished.
You know that words have connotations and denotations. Some
words are known as trigger words, words that have such strong
connotations that they trigger an immediate emotional response in
you. Derogatory terms, slurs, obscenity, and other such language are
often so offensive that it is difficult to restrain yourself from reacting
immediately. Such language may be used to provoke an emotional
outburst, and restraining yourself may allow you to respond in a way
that defuses a negative situation rather than escalates it.
Listening Only for Facts
Another poor listening habit is listening only for facts and not the
meaning behind the words. Have you had the experience of
conversing with someone and using an incorrect word or getting an
insignificant fact wrong? If so, you know that when the other person
jumps in to correct the error, the overall intent of the communication
is often interrupted or lost. We all make mistakes, especially when
talking about issues we feel strongly about. Resist the temptation to
correct factual mistakes people make when they speak, unless they
are crucial to understanding. Concentrate instead on the meaning
behind the words.
Effective Listening
The key to effective listening can be summarized by stating that good
listeners make an effort to concentrate on the act of listening and to
follow the steps of the listening process in conversations. They learn
more than they tell, and they consciously suppress their biases and
the tendency to become distracted by things going on around them
or the appearance, delivery, or personality of the speaker. They are
patient, they allow the speaker to finish talking, and they control
their emotions during conversation.
Good listeners also use the extra mental time they have when
someone is speaking to try to understand the speaker’s background
or experience and to assess the meaning of the message from the
speaker’s point of view. They develop appropriate listening responses
such as nodding and saying “uh-huh” or “I understand,” and they ask
questions to make sure they understand clearly before they respond.
Note. Adapted from “Connecting with Others,” by K. Sole,
2011, Making Connections: Understanding Interpersonal
Communication, Chapter 7. Copyright 2011 by Bridgepoint Education,
Inc.
Order an Essay Now & Get These Features For Free:
Turnitin Report
Formatting
Title Page
Citation
Outline
