Sophia Pathways for College Credit – English Composition I
Are you ready to write Touchstone 2.2?
The informative essay below provides an example of a proficient level composition for prompt A: Image
Analysis. As you read through the informative essay, notice the techniques that the author used to
appropriately breakdown the image. This sample informative essay is generally focused and well
organized, with support for the essay’s thesis, but does include room for improvement. The answers to
the reflection questions that follow the informative essay show that the author has thoughtfully examined
his own writing. Color-coding has been used to indicate key components of the essay, according to the
dictates of the assignment.
______________________________________________________________________
Kaitlin Thompson
English Composition I
January 28, 2018
Sophia Pathways for College Credit – English Composition I
Flipping through a magazine while sitting in a waiting room, hearing adds on the radio, or being
exposed to billboards and television commercials are daily occurrences for most people. In fact, it’s
difficult to escape advertisements in our daily lives. How does this onslaught of persuasive rhetoric
affect people? And how can consumers resist being manipulated into believing a certain product or
service can improve their lives? A careful analysis of advertisements can reveal the techniques
advertisers use, as well as evaluate the effectiveness of those techniques. I think we should all learn to
analyze images so that we can better understand their meanings and possible effects. By examining the
individual components of an advertisement, I can more easily understand the overall meaning and effect
of the ad on consumers.
This advertisement for Clear shampoo targets a female audience. This is evident through the
central placement of a female figure and her glorious, shining mane of hair. Many ads use beautiful
women in their advertisements. The model’s dark hair and dark clothing, along with the muted,
shadowy background, invite the audience to look for visible signs of white, flaky dandruff. Of course,
there are none, which reinforces the advertisement’s textual message of “Zero dandruff.” Visually, the
ad succeeds in making a clear link between the shampoo itself and the promise of no dandruff.
Other signs pointing toward a female audience are more nuanced. The overall look of the ad is
sleek and soft. Aside from the model and her hair, the most prominent image is the block of text which
addresses the audience directly. Using a persuasive tone, the text encourages the audience to contact
the company for tips on managing hair plagued by dandruff. Also an offer of a free product sample, a
technique that appeals to many consumers. This context is an opportunity for the company, both in the
visual components of the ad and through the promised text message, to extol the virtues of its own
shampoo. Clear shampoo, it promises, is powered by Cleartech Soft” (whatever that means) and
essential oils, which will make hair up to 4 times softer and shinier. The model in the ad does indeed
Comment [SL1]: Watch your spelling here. This should be
“ads.”
Comment [SL2]: Remember that this essay is informative,
so your language must remain objective. This sentence isn’t
really necessary for the paragraph to function properly, and
thus could be removed entirely.
Comment [SL3]: You could make this thesis statement
more specific-— what individual components are you
referring to? Replace “I” with “one” to maintain an
objective tone.
Comment [SL4]: This detail is not relevant to your analysis
of this particular advertisement.
Comment [SL5]: So far your topic sentences have done a
nice job of communicating the main idea of each paragraph.
Comment [SL6]: Revise this fragment to ensure sentence
completeness.
Comment [SL7]: Remember to stick to academic language.
This is too informal, and should be removed.
Comment [SL8]: This is a good use of specific language
from the ad, but remember to use quotation marks around
words that aren’t your own.
Sophia Pathways for College Credit – English Composition I
have hair which appears to be very soft and shiny, underscoring this point. In this way, the ad
successfully links the context and imagery to effectively target a female audience that may be interested
in – or in need of – a dandruff shampoo.
The text in the center of the advertisement – “Say no to dandruff” – suggests that women have
the power to choose beautiful, shiny hair over limp or problem hair. This is an empowering idea that will
likely appeal to a young woman concerned with her appearance. I don’t think being overly concerned
with your appearance is necessarily a good thing, but I know many women are. Simply by using this
product, women can take control of how they are perceived by the world. It is the woman who makes
the choice, and she makes the choice by not accepting anything less than gorgeous, perfect hair. The
model’s enigmatic expression reinforces this idea of the woman being in control.
As a whole, the ad appears soft and subtly compelling. Its simplicity targets key stereotypes of
women as the intended audience: women are soft, emotionally and physically. The text encourages
women to stand up for themselves and just “say no,” playing into the stereotype that women are not
assertive enough and too often passively accept things rather than try to change them. The link between
physical appearance and emotional well-being is clearly implied, and specifically targeted at women.
Appeals to stereotype are not particularly attractive when broken down in this manner, but at a brief
glance, these techniques are extremely effective in advertising. The application may be different in
different ads, but the result is the same: playing on stereotypical attributes of women in order to send
clear signals about the intended audience of the product.
The advertisement relies on a dark background, a prominent image of a dark-haired model, and
a smaller, but still noticeable, image of the product. The image draws clear parallels meant to evoke a
response in the audience: the model has shiny, healthy looking hair; she uses Clear shampoo; if I use
Comment [SL9]: This is another example of non-objective
language that can be removed.
Comment [SL10]: You could add more supporting details
about stereotypes here. What other stereotypes are
reinforced by the ad?
Sophia Pathways for College Credit – English Composition I
Clear shampoo, I will also have shiny, healthy-looking, dandruff-free hair. In this way, the ad is successful
in its mission to relate the primary benefits of the product in a way which is memorable and clear.
A close analysis of the components of this advertisement reveals that the visual image, along
with the chosen context, clearly targets a female audience. The color scheme, image placement, product
information, and choice of a dark-haired, mysterious model appeal to certain aspects of a gender
stereotype. Women are presented with a visual image along with information for how to contact the
company, which implies that women (should) think more deeply about the products they buy. Women
are also encouraged to focus on how they will look and feel as a result of using the product. The
advertisement successfully exploits these arguably stereotypical ideas in targeting women, and a
stereotypical female consumer may well react favorably to them.
Comment [SL11]: This is a great summary of the preceding
body paragraphs.
Comment [SL12]: This is an effective concluding
paragraph. You provide a good interpretation of the ad’s
purpose and likely effect on consumers.
Sophia Pathways for College Credit – English Composition I
Think About Your Writing:
1. What is the significance of your essay? Why should your reader care about
what you have written? (2-3 sentences)
I think readers will care about this essay because it demonstrates how we are influenced by
advertisements everyday. As consumers, we are targeted for certain advertisements which play
up certain stereotypes. Even something as simple as a shampoo advertisement can be broken
down and analyzed for the messages it is attempting to convey.
2. What areas of your draft do you think will benefit most from revision? (2-3
sentences)
I had a difficult time maintaining an objective tone throughout the essay. I had my own ideas
and opinions about the stereotypes being represented in the advertisement, and sometimes it
was challenging to articulate those without presenting my own opinions.
3. Consider the strengths and weaknesses of your writing. How can you
capitalize on your strengths and improve on your weaknesses in future
essays? (3-4 sentences)
I think that, overall, I am good at coming up with an interesting introduction and organizing my
essay in a way that is logical and has good flow. I sometimes struggle with maintaining a
consistent tone in my essay, and developing a well articulated thesis statement. I think that
forcing myself to be constantly aware of my purpose and audience will help me to improve the
consistency of the tone in my essays, and further practice writing thesis statements will help me
better understand how to write a good one.
SCORING APPEARS ON THE NEXT PAGE
Sophia Pathways for College Credit – English Composition I
SCORING for Sample Touchstone 2.2
The sample essay was evaluated according to the Touchstone 2.2 Rubric, which includes either the
Image Analysis OR Expanded Definition Essay. This particular essay was written using the image
analysis approach. The rubric evaluates the image analysis, the working thesis statement, organization,
style and tone, focus, conventions, and responses to the “Think About Your Writing” questions. Each
rubric area is evaluated according to the performance level.
Image Analysis
The writer has met the criteria established for writing an image analysis. The writer has selected an
appropriate advertisement and drawn effective conclusions about the audience and effectiveness of the
ad.
Area Score: Proficient
Working Thesis
The essay has working thesis located in the introductory paragraph: “By examining the individual
components of the advertisement, I can more easily understand the overall meaning and effect of the ad
on consumers.” The thesis is appropriately narrowed and states the central claim of the essay. However,
it should be revised to use more objective language and could be improved by adding more specificity as
to what “individual components” are examined.
Area Score: Acceptable
Organization
The essay has an introduction with a thesis, an adequate number of body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
Body paragraphs contain a topic sentence and supporting details. The topic sentences are generally well
written; however, some supporting details are less relevant to the paragraph and can be removed to
increase the flow of the essay.
Area Score: Proficient
Style and Tone
Generally the writer does use effective style and word choices. However there exist multiple instances in
which the writer uses, a non-objective tone, or includes personal observations which are not effective for
informative writing.
Area Score: Acceptable
Sophia Pathways for College Credit – English Composition I
Focus
Overall, the writer does a nice job including relevant details and making connections between the working
thesis statement and supporting details. However, there are some sentences which include personal
detail, as noted in the annotations. These sentences detract from the focus of the essay and should be
edited.
Area Score: Acceptable
Conventions
The writer has made few spelling, punctuation, grammar, usage, or mechanics. The errors made were
minor and did not detract from the essay.
Area Score: Proficient
“Think About Your Writing” Questions
The answers to the questions are thoughtful. The answers effectively address the question and adhere to
the length guidelines. Additionally, the writer appropriately color coded his thesis and topic sentences.
Area Score: Proficient
TOTAL SCORE: 8/10
On the whole, this informative essay does a nice job of breaking down and analyzing the advertisement
selected by the writer. The breakdown of the image is detailed and well thought out. The writer attempts
an informative style while maintaining a clear focus on the topic. Some improvements can be made to
remove irrelevant details and make the tone overall more informative. Overall, the composition meets the
requirements of the prompt and offers a compelling analysis of an advertisement.
Touchstones are projects that illustrate your comprehension of the course material, help you to refine skills, and demonstrate application of knowledge. You
can work on a Touchstone anytime, but you can’t submit it for grading until you have completed the unit’s Challenges. After you’ve submitted a Touchstone, it
will be graded and counted towards your final course score.
Touchstone 2.2: Informative Essay Draft
ASSIGNMENT: Select one of the following writing prompts and draft a 3-5 page (approximately 800-1300 words) informative essay. As a part of your
completed draft, complete the color coding activity described below. In addition, answer the “Think About Your Writing” questions on a separate sheet of
paper and include it with your draft submission.
Note: Touchstone 3 will be a revision of the draft that you submit for Touchstone 2.2.
Sample Image Analysis Essay: Prompt A
Sample Extended Definition Essay: Prompt B
In order to foster learning and growth, all essays you submit must be newly written specifically for this course. Any recycled work will be sent back with a
0, and you will be given one attempt to redo the Touchstone.
A. Instructions
Choose one of the following prompts for your informative essay.
PROMPT A: IMAGE ANALYSIS: Although we look at print advertisements every day, we often do not consider the ways in which they affect us. Visual images
in ads can influence and persuade us, so it is important to evaluate them critically to understand their meanings. Good image analysis involves examination of
the components of an image to gain an understanding of the whole.
Select an advertisement image to analyze. The advertisement you choose should be a single image directed towards a specific audience. To identify the
intended audience, think about the members of the potential audience for the advertisement that you have chosen. Who are they? Ads for a beauty product,
for example, may be aimed at young girls; ads for a deodorant might target men; a diaper ad is likely intended for new parents; ads for cruise trips might be
aimed at retirees. You can use any academically-appropriate advertisement to complete this assignment, as long as its intended audience is clearly identified.
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UNIT 2 — TOUCHSTONE 2.2: Informative Essay Draft
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Your thesis must inform the reader of your topic and purpose. Because you are writing in the informative mode, use objective language and a neutral point of
view.
Draft an analytical essay that examines the audience, context, and purpose of the advertising image you’ve chosen. Read the article by Jenna Pack titled
“Breaking Down an Image” found in the “Model Informative Essays” tutorial for ideas about how to write an image analysis. Your analysis should lead to a
conclusion about the ad’s effectiveness, based on examination of its components. Include the image with your draft.
PROMPT B: EXTENDED DEFINITION: Define or redefine one of the following words:
• Family
• Success
• Courage
• Art
• Beauty
In your draft, briefly explain how society, or the dictionary, defines the word you’ve selected, and then explain your unique or extended definition of the word.
Provide examples and explanations to support your definition. Your thesis must inform your readers of your new definition and, because you are writing in the
informative mode, you must use objective language.
Draft an extended definition essay that defines or redefines a word or concept. Read the article by Dan Richards titled “Digital Ethics” found in the “Model
Informative Essays” tutorial for ideas about how to write an extended definition essay.
B. Think About Your Writing
As a part of your completed draft, complete the color coding activity and include answers to all of the questions below your draft.
PART 1: Color Coding Activity
Using the color codes provided, evaluate your draft as follows:
• Use red text to indicate your thesis statement.
• Use green text to indicate the topic sentence of each body paragraph.
PART 2: Questions
1. What is the significance of your essay? Why should readers care about what you have written? (2-3 sentences) Sophia says: Think about why you decided
to analyze this particular image, or why you picked the word you chose to define. Your interest in in your subject matter should be clear to readers.
2. Which areas of your draft do you think will benefit most from revision? (2-3 sentences) Sophia says: Consider the organization, style, focus, development,
and conventions of your draft. Which areas did you struggle to complete?
3. Consider the strengths and weaknesses of your writing. How can you capitalize on your strengths and improve on your weaknesses in future essays?
(3-4 sentences) Sophia says: Think about what was easy about writing the draft, and what was more difficult. For example, if you write paragraphs with strong
topic sentences, but repeatedly use the same type of sentence to provide supporting details, you can improve your paragraphs by varying sentence
structure.
C. Informative Draft Guidelines
DIRECTIONS: Refer to the checklist below throughout the writing process. Do not submit your Touchstone until your draft meets all of the guidelines.
Essay Prompt: Image Analysis
❒ If you chose the image analysis prompt, have you analyzed and interpreted – and not just described – the ad’s design?
❒ Have you made conclusions about the audience and effectiveness of the ad?
❒ Did you include the image in your draft?
❒ Did you complete the color-coding activity?
❒ Is your draft 800-1300 words long?
Essay Prompt: Extended Definition
❒ If you chose the extended definition prompt, did you indicate how society defines the word you selected, and then explain your definition (or an extended
definition) of it?
❒ Have you included examples and explanations to support your definition?
❒ Did you complete the color-coding activity?
❒ Is your draft 800-1300 words long?
Working Thesis
❒ Have you included a clear, focused, and detailed thesis statement?
❒ Does your thesis state the topic and purpose of your essay?
❒ Is your thesis a single sentence, and is it located in the introductory paragraph?
Focus and
Organization
❒ Is there an adequate number of body paragraphs, each with a clear topic sentence?
❒ Is there a conclusion paragraph that makes a concluding statement?
❒ Are your draft paragraphs sequenced properly?
❒ Have you used transitions to connect ideas between sentences and paragraphs?
❒ Can your draft be described as having a good flow?
❒ Does your draft have a clear focus?
❒ Are all supporting details relevant?
Style and Tone
❒ Is the tone of your draft unbiased and informative?
❒ Is it clear that the purpose of your essay is to inform readers about your topic?
❒ Have you carefully considered your word choices?
Conventions
❒ Have you checked your draft for grammatical errors?
❒ Have you used Spell-Check or another method to check spelling?
❒ Have you punctuated your draft correctly?
Before You Submit
❒ Have you included your name, date, and course at the top left of the page?
❒ Have you completed the “Think About Your Writing” questions and color coding activity?
❒ Is your draft between three and five pages long (approximately 800-1300 words)
D. Scoring
Your draft will be scored according to the Touchstone 2.2 Rubric, which considers required elements for either the analysis essay or the definition essay, the
thesis statement, organization, style and tone, focus, conventions, completion of the color-coding activity and answers to the “Think About your Writing”
questions above.
E. Rubric
Advanced (100%) Proficient (85%) Acceptable (75%) Needs
Improvement
(50%)
Non-
Performance
(0%)
Advanced (100%) Proficient (85%) Acceptable (75%) Needs
Improvement
(50%)
Non-
Performance
(0%)
Image Analysis /
Extended Definition
Prompt A: Analyze an
advertisement using
parts to draw
conclusions. Prompt B:
Define a meaningful
word or concept in a
unique or compelling
way.
Prompt A: Consistently goes
beyond description to analyze
the design choices made in the
advertisement, including
layout, color schemes, text,
and/or other design
components; effectively draws
conclusions about the intended
audience, and the likely impact
and effectiveness of the
advertisement. Prompt B:
Defines a meaningful and
nuanced word or concept in a
coherent and compelling way,
consistently using critical
thinking and thoughtful
discussion to explore the
definition; consistently goes
beyond traditional definitions
to define or redefine the word
in a new and unique way.
Prompt A: Primarily goes
beyond description to analyze
the design choices made in
the advertisement, including
layout, color schemes, text,
and/or other design
components; draws
conclusions about the
intended audience, and the
likely impact and effectiveness
of the advertisement. Prompt
B: Defines a meaningful and
nuanced word or concept in a
coherent way, primarily using
critical thinking and thoughtful
discussion to explore the
definition; primarily goes
beyond traditional definitions
to define or redefine the word
in a new and unique way.
Prompt A: Includes some
analysis of the design choices
made in the advertisement
(e.g., layout, color schemes,
text, and/or other design
components), but focuses
primarily on description;
somewhat effectively draws
conclusions about the intended
audience, and the likely impact
and effectiveness of the
advertisement. Prompt B:
Defines a meaningful and
nuanced word or concept
adequately, but only
sometimes uses critical
thinking and thoughtful
discussion to explore the
definition; only sometimes
goes beyond traditional
definitions to define or redefine
the word in a new and unique
way.
Prompt A: Focuses heavily on
description; analysis of the
design choices made in the
advertisement is limited or
absent; conclusions about the
intended audience, and the
likely impact and
effectiveness of the
advertisement are very
limited. Prompt B: Defines a
word or concept, although
critical thinking and
thoughtful examination are
largely absent; often relies
too much on the traditional or
dictionary definition and does
not sufficiently explore a new
or unique definition.
Prompt A: Does not
describe or analyze the
advertisement; does not
draw conclusions about the
advertisement. Prompt B:
Does not define a word or
concept from the list
provided and/or does not
explore the definition in a
thoughtful or critical
manner; relies almost
entirely on the traditional or
dictionary definition.
Working Thesis
State the focused central
claim of the essay.
Has a clear, focused, and
detailed working thesis that is
expressed in a single sentence
that states the central claim of
the essay.
Has a clear and focused
working thesis that is
expressed in a single
sentence that states the
central claim of the essay.
Has an acceptable working
thesis that states a claim, but it
may be unclear or unfocused,
or consist of more than one
sentence.
Has a working thesis, but it is
not clear and/or focused
and/or it does not state a
claim.
Does not have an
identifiable working thesis
and/or the thesis is
extremely unclear or
unfocused.
Organization
Exhibit competent
organization, flow, and
writing techniques.
Includes all of the required
components of an essay,
including an introduction with a
strong thesis; an adequate
number of body paragraphs
(3-6), each with an effective
topic sentence; and a
conclusion with an effective
concluding statement; the
sequence of sentences and
paragraphs is logical and flows
well.
Includes all of the required
components of an essay,
including an introduction with
a thesis; an adequate number
of body paragraphs (3-6), each
with a topic sentence; and a
conclusion with a concluding
statement; the sequence of
sentences and paragraphs is
predominantly logical and
flows well.
Includes all of the required
components of an essay,
including an introduction with a
thesis; an adequate number of
body paragraphs (3-6), each
with a topic sentence; and a
conclusion with a concluding
statement; however, some
components may be
ineffective; the sequence of
sentences and paragraphs is
somewhat logical, and may
lack good flow.
Is missing one of the required
components of an essay or
most of the components are
ineffective; the sequence of
sentences and/or paragraphs
is frequently illogical and
lacks flow.
Is missing multiple required
components of an essay or
all of the components are
ineffective; the sequence of
sentences and/or
paragraphs is consistently
illogical and there is no
flow.
Style and Tone
Establish a consistent,
informative tone and
make thoughtful choices.
Demonstrates thoughtful and
effective word choices and
uses a wide variety of sentence
structures; establishes a
consistently unbiased and
impersonal tone that is
appropriate for an informative
essay.
Demonstrates effective word
choices and uses a variety of
sentence structures;
establishes an unbiased and
impersonal tone that is
appropriate for an informative
essay, with occasional minor
exceptions.
Demonstrates generally
effective style choices, but may
include poor word choice,
and/or repetitive sentence
structures; primarily establishes
an unbiased and impersonal
tone that is appropriate for an
informative essay; but some
sections express bias or
include personal observations.
Frequently includes poor
word choices, and/or
repetitive sentence
structures; primarily
establishes a tone that is
biased, and personal
observations and opinions
are expressed frequently.
Consistently demonstrates
poor word choices and/or
repetitive sentence
structures; tone is
consistently biased and the
essay is dominated by
personal observations and
opinions.
Focus
Include relevant details
and draw effective
connections.
Details are relevant and
support the purpose of the
essay; the writer consistently
makes effective connections
between the supporting details
and the working thesis.
Details are relevant and
support the purpose of the
essay; the writer makes some
effective connections between
the supporting details and the
working thesis.
Details are predominantly
relevant and generally support
the purpose of the essay,
though some details may be
irrelevant and/or distracting.
Details are often irrelevant
and frequently distract from
the purpose of the essay.
Details are irrelevant and
distract from the purpose of
the essay.
Advanced (100%) Proficient (85%) Acceptable (75%) Needs
Improvement
(50%)
Non-
Performance
(0%)
Conventions
Demonstrate command
of standard English
grammar, punctuation,
spelling, capitalization,
and usage.
There may be a few negligible
errors in grammar, punctuation,
spelling, capitalization,
formatting, and usage.
There are occasional minor
errors in grammar,
punctuation, spelling,
capitalization, formatting, and
usage.
There are some significant
errors in grammar, punctuation,
spelling, capitalization,
formatting, and usage.
There are frequent significant
errors in grammar,
punctuation, spelling,
capitalization, formatting, and
usage.
There are consistent
significant errors in
grammar, punctuation,
spelling, capitalization,
formatting, and usage.
Think About Your
Writing
Answer reflection
questions thoroughly and
thoughtfully.
Demonstrates thoughtful
reflection; consistently includes
insights, observations, and/or
examples in all responses;
answers all reflection questions
effectively, following or
exceeding response length
guidelines.
Demonstrates thoughtful
reflection; includes multiple
insights, observations, and/or
examples; answers all
reflection questions effectively,
following response length
guidelines.
Primarily demonstrates
thoughtful reflection, but some
responses are lacking in detail
or insight; answers all reflection
questions, primarily following
response length guidelines.
Shows limited reflection; the
majority of responses are
lacking in detail or insight;
answers reflection questions
inadequately: may not answer
all of the questions and/or
may not follow response
length guidelines.
Does not answer the
majority of reflection
questions or the majority of
answers do not follow
response length guidelines.
F. Requirements
• Your draft must be 800 to 1300 words in length (approximately 3-5 pages).
• Informative Draft Guidelines and Topic Selection Guidelines must be followed or your submission will not be graded.
• Double-space your draft and use one-inch margins.
• Use an easily-readable 12-point font.
• All writing must be appropriate for an academic context.
• Your draft must be original and written for this assignment.
• Plagiarism of any kind is strictly prohibited.
• Your submission must include your name, the name of the course, the date, and the title of your draft.
• Your submission must include both your color-coded informative draft and your answers to the “Think About Your Writing” questions.
• Submit a only single file that contains all of the assignment components.
• Acceptable file formats include and x.
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Sophia Pathways for College Credit – English Composition I
Are you ready to write Touchstone 4?
The essay below provides an example of an advanced level argumentative essay. As you read through
the essay, notice how the author effectively incorporates elements of argument, has a strong thesis
statement which takes a stand on one side of a debatable topic, and utilizes the classical model of
argumentation with effective incorporation and utilization of support.
______________________________________________________________________
Marcus Bishop
English Composition I
March 15, 2018
Teenage Sleep and School Start Times
John, an average teenager, tries to get to school on time in the mornings. He sets two
alarms on his phone and often skips a shower or breakfast, or both, so that he doesn’t miss the
school bus that stops at his corner at 7:00 AM. Once at school, John joins his sleep-deprived
peers in mad dashes to their first classes. School is on, whether students are prepared to learn
or not. According to numerous studies, the average U.S. teenager gets between 7 and 7.25
hours of sleep a night, while his body needs between 9 and 9.5 hours. With the average start
time for high school in the U.S. 8:03 AM (Croft, Ferro, and Wheaton, 2015), it’s not a great leap
to conclude many high school students are sleep-deprived. High schools should implement later
start times to maintain healthy biological functions and to maximize learning for teenagers.
Comment [SL1]: While the sentence structure is a bit
repetitive, this introduction does a good job of engaging the
reader with the average teenager and providing the
necessary background information for the reader to fully
understand the importance of the thesis.
Comment [SL2]: This is a well written thesis statement. It
takes a clear position on one side of a debatable topic. It is
concise, yet provides adequate detail so that the reader
knows what your key points within the essay will likely be.
Sophia Pathways for College Credit – English Composition I
Sleep deprivation in teens affects their health, including issues like mood and behavior,
increased anxiety or depression, use of caffeine, tobacco, or alcohol, and even weight gain. Lack
of sleep increases the likelihood that teens across all socio-economic spectrums will be unable
to concentrate and will suffer poor grades in school as a result. In addition, teens, already in a
high risk category as new drivers, are more susceptible to “drowsy-driving incidents.” (Richter,
2015). These are all compelling reasons to consider changes in school start times for teenagers.
Our internal body clocks – what scientists call circadian rhythm – regulate biological
processes according to light and dark. When our eyes tell us it’s dark, we begin to tire, and
when our eyes tell us it’s light, we begin to waken. Adults often refer to themselves as a
“morning person” or a “night person” because they’ve become accustomed to their internal
clocks and can anticipate the times they are most alert and active. Teenagers, however,
experience a shift in their circadian rhythm when puberty strikes and often feel alert later at
night, making it difficult for them to fall asleep. When they have to wake up early to go to
school, they are being deprived of the sleep their body needs.
Along with a shift in their sleep patterns, today’s teens are avid users of electronic
media. The lack of sleep is “exacerbated when teens are exposed late at night to lit screens,
which send a message via the retina to the portion of the brain that controls the body’s
circadian clock. The message: It’s not nighttime yet” (Richter, 2015, para. 22). While putting
away the electronic gadgets at bed time might help, the fact remains that, biologically, teens’
circadian rhythms are shifting to a later time, and they have trouble getting to sleep at night,
even when they’re tired.
Comment [SL3]: Nice job here with your first body
paragraph. It provides more background on how lack of
sleep negatively affects teens.
Comment [SL4]: In this second body paragraph, you
provide clear biological support for your thesis.
Comment [SL5]: This third body paragraph provides
more biological information to support your thesis.
Comment [SL6]: Here you have effectively incorporated
a direct quotation and appropriately cited it using APA
formatting. Well done!
Sophia Pathways for College Credit – English Composition I
The result of this shift in sleep patterns – due to both puberty and the use of electronic
media – can be compared to jet lag. Travelers who cross time zones often need a day for their
bodies to adjust to the new light and dark signals they’re receiving. When teens wake up too
early day after day, they have difficulty thinking or performing well because their internal clocks
never have a chance to adjust. Imagine dragging yourself around in a jet-lag fog as you attempt
to process information and perform job-related duties on a daily basis. Now imagine our
teenage John, sleep-deprived and breakfast-less, striving to organize and write a short essay for
a history exam at 8:00 AM.
Beginning in 2014, major national health organizations, including the American
Academy of Pediatrics, the American Medical Association, and the Centers for Disease Control
and Prevention, have issued policy statements that recommend later start times for high school
students. (Jens-Olaf, 2016). These institutions recognize the negative impacts an early school
starting time can have on not only the health of teenagers, but on their academic preformances
as well. With later start times, studies find that attendance increases and tardiness decreases.
Test scores and grades improve, and there are fewer “drowsy-driving incidents” among teens. A
University of Minnesota study released in 2014 was “the first to conclusively link later morning
school starts to higher test scores, better grades and fewer teen car crashes” (Smith, 2014,
para. 2). The three-year study examined data gathered from over 9,000 students in eight high
schools across the Midwest. With a later start to the school day, high school attendance and
test scores improved. Fewer students were tardy, and there was a marked decrease in
Comment [SL7]: In this fourth body paragraph, you do
a nice job transitioning to problems with learning. The
transition is smooth and ties in nicely with the
paragraph above.
Comment [SL8]: Nice use of the rhetorical appeal pathos
here. You appeal to readers’ emotions by asking us to put
ourselves in the teenager’s shoes.
Comment [SL9]: This fifth body paragraph emphasizes
how school start times effect learning. You’ve provided
good support for the thesis here.
Comment [SL10]: Nice job summarizing the source
information here and then properly citing the source
using APA formatting.
Comment [SL11]: Check your spelling here.
Comment [SL12]: Since this is related to the main idea of
the paragraph’s topic sentence, it makes sense that you
would include this study in the same paragraph. However, a
transition word or phrase to start this sentence would be
beneficial to the flow of the essay.
Sophia Pathways for College Credit – English Composition I
substance abuse and depression issues. Some schools even reported a noticeable decrease in
teens involved in auto accidents (Smith, 2014).
The results of these studies are strong evidence that teens benefit from a later start for
school. Better attendance, better scores on tests, fewer problems with substance abuse and
depression, and a decrease in car accidents are all clear indicators that allowing students to
sleep an extra couple of hours in the mornings makes a significant difference. Teenagers need a
solid educational foundation on which to build their futures, and if they’re sleeping through
math class because it’s offered at 8:00 AM, they’re being cheated out of learning opportunities
they need. Why then, are many schools reluctant to make these changes?
Body paragraph 7 – Counterarguments and refutations
Some school districts claim, that a later start time for high school students would disrupt
bus schedules. While bus schedules at many schools are designed by time – transport high
school kids first, then middle and elementary school children – as a cost saver, one solution is to
simply flip the times. Younger children tend to wake up earlier than teens, so why not make
their school start-time earlier and teenagers later? (2016, Jens-Olaf) Another common
objection is that a change in school start time for teens would interfere with athletics and other
extracurricular activities. However, districts that have adopted a later start time for teens
report few problems in this regard. Practice and game times are merely rescheduled. Some
schools even report an increase in athletic participation and improved performance of their
teams. It just makes sense that a better rested athlete would perform better.
Comment [SL13]: In this sixth body paragraph, you
provide a nice summary of previous points, which
serves as further support for your thesis statement
Comment [SL14]: Another good use of pathos as an appeal
here.
Comment [SL15]: Remove the unnecessary comma here.
Comment [SL16]: In this body paragraph, you discuss
an important part of argumentation, which is the
counterargument and refutations. Doing so shows your
reader that you’ve thoughtfully considered both sides of
the issue and makes you more credible as a writer.
Comment [SL17]: This seems like a good source, but
remember that APA format says that the authors name
should come first, followed by date. So the correct
citation here would be (Jens-Olaf, 2016).
Comment [SL18]: What source should be cited here?
Remember to include where you got this information.
Sophia Pathways for College Credit – English Composition I
Teenagers shouldn’t have to forgo breakfast or risk doing poorly on an exam because
they are summoned to school at an hour at which they should still be sleeping. High schools
should institute a later start time so teenagers can get the sleep they need and arrive at school
with their brains fully engaged and ready to learn. This relatively simple fix addresses teens’
biological and educational needs and paves the way for them to mature into productive and
healthy adults. It’s time that all high schools in the U.S. recognize the impact of sleep
deprivation on their students’ physical and mental health and make adjustments to school start
times.
Comment [SL19]: Nice job with your conclusion here.
You’ve provided a summary of your key points and
restated the thesis for the reader.
Sophia Pathways for College Credit – English Composition I
References
Croft, J.B., Ferro, G.A., & Wheaton, A.G. (2015). School start times for middle school and high
school students. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. Retrieved from
https://www.cdc.gov/mmwr/preview/mmwrhtml/mm6430a1.htm
Jens-Olaf, W. (2016, December 20). Why teen brains need a later school start time. Retrieved
from https://theconversation.com/why-teen-brains-need-a-later-school-start-time-
65308
Richter, R. (2015, October 8). Among teens, sleep deprivation an epidemic. Stanford Medicine
News Center. Retrieved from https://med.stanford.edu/news/all-
news/2015/10/among-teens-sleep-deprivation-an-epidemic.html
Smith, K. (2014, March 13). Research links later start times to benefits for teens. Star Tribune.
Retrieved from http://www.startribune.com/minn-study-later-school-start-
boostsgrades-attendance-moods/249975531/.
Comment [SL20]: Government websites are valid and
credible sources, so this was a good choice.
Comment [SL21]: Using an independent news source like
this one lowers the risk of bias.
Comment [SL22]: This is another good choice, as .edu
websites are also credible source.
Comment [SL23]: Use of this online newspaper gives you a
nice amount of source variety.
Sophia Pathways for College Credit – English Composition I
Think About Your Writing
1. What have you learned about how to present a strong argument? How could/will you
apply this knowledge in your professional or everyday life? (3-4 sentences) Sophia says:
Think about the specific skills and techniques that you used while developing and writing your
essay. What tools will you take with you from this experience?
I learned that in order to present a strong argument, it’s important to research all of the facts carefully.
Credible sources make all of the difference when learning about the topic and they really help me to make
sure that I’m backing up my argument effectively. I also learned how important it is to address the
counterarguments so that I can see why the other side might feel differently about an issue. This is such
an important skill for everyday life, because we often meet people who have different viewpoints and it’s
important to present our own viewpoints in an unbiased manner. It’s also important that we acknowledge
and respect the other side so that we can have a rational discussion instead of an argument!
2. Consider the English Composition I course as a whole. What have you learned about
yourself as writer? (5-6 sentences) Sophia says: Sophia says: What did you learn that
surprised you? Is there anything that you have struggled with in the past that you now feel
more confident about?
I learned that I sometimes have trouble organizing my thoughts or staying on topic, but that
proofreading/revising my work or using an outline can be very effective tools at keeping my writing more
coherent. I also learned that writing well is really hard. It’s not difficult for me to write good sentences, but
sometimes it can be really difficult to keep an eye on the wider structure of my work. I found that really
thinking about using effective topic and concluding sentences helped me stay on track. I think this was
the most surprising thing – you can be good at writing, but it takes a lot of hard work to be a good writer.
SCORING APPEARS ON THE NEXT PAGE
Sophia Pathways for College Credit – English Composition I
SCORING for Sample Touchstone 4
The sample essay was evaluated according to the Touchstone 4 Rubric, which evaluates an
argumentative essay. The rubric evaluates the argumentative topic and thesis statement, argument
development and support, organization, flow, research, style, conventions, formatting, and responses to
the “Think About Your Writing” questions. Each rubric area is evaluated according to the performance
level.
Argumentative Topic and Thesis Statement (5 possible points)
The thesis statement is well written and clearly articulates the position that the writer is taking on the
topic. The topic is clearly debatable and has two or more sides. This is a great example of an
argumentative thesis statement.
Area Score: 5/5
Advanced
Argument Development and Support (20 possible points)
The writer does a nice job including relevant details which support the argument of the essay. The
argument is well developed using the classical model of argumentation and support is provided in the
form of rhetorical appeals and source material. However, there may be a few more opportunities to use
sources and appeals to further strengthen the argument.
Area Score: 18/20 Proficient
Organization (20 possible points)
The essay includes all of the required components of an argumentative essay according to the classical
model. Additionally all elements are effectively utilized.
Area Score: 20/20 Advanced
Flow (10 possible points)
The writer does a nice job sequencing the paragraphs and providing transitions between paragraphs so
that the essay has good flow and the reader can easily follow the progression of ideas.
Sophia Pathways for College Credit – English Composition I
Area Score: 9/10 Advanced
Research (10 possible points)
The author primarily cites outside sources appropriately, incorporates sources effectively through direct
quotation, paraphrase, or summary and has referenced 2-4 credible primary or secondary sources.
However, there are a few instances in which the formatting of the citation was incorrect, or an in-text
citation was missing from the essay.
Area Score: 8/10
Style (10 possible points)
The essay demonstrates effective word choices, primarily avoids redundancy and imprecise language,
and uses a variety of sentence structures.
Area Score: 8/10
Conventions (10 possible points)
There are occasional spelling or grammar errors within the writing, but they do not impede the overall flow
or reader’s understanding of the material.
Area Score: 9/10
Formatting (10 possible points)
The writing primarily adheres to APA formatting requirements for in-text citations and the References
page, such that formatting errors are minimal.
Area Score: 9/10
“Think About Your Writing” Questions (5 possible points)
The answers to the questions are thoughtful and insightful. The answers effectively address the question
and either adhere to or exceed the length guidelines.
Area Score: 5/5
Sophia Pathways for College Credit – English Composition I
TOTAL SCORE: 91/100 Advanced
This essay demonstrates that the writer has a thorough understanding of the elements of an
argumentative essay as well as how to effectively incorporate those elements. The topic selected is
appropriate, the thesis statement takes a clear side on the issue, and the thesis is effectively supported
by quality sources and rhetorical appeals. It is clear that the writer has thoughtfully crafted this essay and
selected sources that meaningfully support the main claim. Well done!
Sophia Pathways for College Credit – English Composition I
Are you ready to write Touchstone 2.2?
The informative essay below provides an example of a proficient level composition for prompt B:
Extended Definition. As you read through the informative essay, notice the techniques that the author
used to examine the definition in an interesting and novel way. This sample informative essay is generally
focused and well organized, with support for the essay’s thesis, but does include room for improvement.
The answers to the reflection questions that follow the informative essay show that the author has
thoughtfully examined his own writing. Color-coding has been used to indicate key components of the
essay, according to the dictates of the assignment.
______________________________________________________________________
Marcus Bishop
English Composition I
January 28, 2018
Intelligence: A Re-Definition
Margarita and Walter live in the same small town. Margarita is a high school
math teacher and Walter is an auto mechanic. Whom is more intelligent, Margarita or
Walter? Merriam Webster’s online dictionary defines the word intelligence variously as
“the skilled use of reason,” and “the ability to apply knowledge to manipulate one’s
environment or to think abstractly as measured by objective criteria (such as tests).”
Most people in Margarita and Walter’s small town would consider Margarita to be more
intelligent than Walter because she has graduated from college while Walter has simply
Comment [SL1]: Change to “who”
Comment [SL2]: Nice choice to include the traditional
definition in the introductory paragraph. This will help
the reader see exactly how your re-definition will differ
from the original.
Sophia Pathways for College Credit – English Composition I
been interested in cars and how they work for all of his life. I believe the definition of
“intelligent” should be broadened to include physical actions as well as intellectual
actions.
Limiting intelligence to that which can be measured by “objective criteria” ignores
the fact that human beings think and learn in different ways. Margarita may be intelligent
in a logical, mathematical sense – she can easily grasp abstractions, reasoning, and
numbers – but Walter is intelligent in a more physical sense – he has fine motor skills
and expresses his intelligence through manipulating and skillfully handling objects.
Margarita may be able to diagnose a student’s difficulty with learning the multiplication
tables, but Walter can diagnose an engine knock as a problem with the car’s spark
plugs. Margarita and Walter both possess a type of intelligence and one is not superior
to the other. Margarita is not “more” intelligent than Walter; she is merely intelligent in a
different way.
Other types of intelligence are sometimes referred to as “talents” or “special
abilities.” Take a professional athlete, for example, a person like Michael Jordan
becomes famous for his agility and physical prowess, rising above other most other
competitors in his field. Is Michael Jordan more intellectually “intelligent” than other
athletes, or does he possess a physical superiority that can be translated into a different
type of “intelligence”? His control over his own body movements and his innate
understanding of physical timing and personal effort demonstrate a broader definition of
the term. This type of “physical intelligence” is found in many professions. Think of
actors who delve deeply into a character by physically becoming homeless if they are to
Comment [SL3]: This is a good thesis statement; it’s
clearly focused and is neither too broad nor too narrow.
Just refrain from using first-person statements, as
informative writing should maintain an objective tone.
Comment [SL4]: You remembered to color code your
thesis and topic sentences, which is great.
Comment [SL5]: Multiple sentences in this paragraph
begin with “Margarita.” Some of these could be revised
for sentence variety.
Comment [SL6]: To avoid a comma splice, change this
comma to either a period or a colon.
Sophia Pathways for College Credit – English Composition I
portray a homeless person on screen, for example, or who ride along with police officers
as they do their job in real life so they can faithfully represent the life of a police officer in
film. Professional dancers endure punishing physical routines to express themselves,
and people who build houses or buildings are physically engaged in the process. These
are all examples of people who may possess a greater physical intelligence than the
intellectual intelligence most often accepted as the true definition of the word
“intelligent.”
(EDIT for punctuation – replace comma with a colon or period.)
For many years, an IQ test has been society’s measure of intelligence. An
“intelligence quotient” (IQ) is a total score arrived at through a series of standardized
tests that have been developed to measure and assess human intelligence. Dividing a
person’s mental age (derived from test scores) by his chronological age and multiplying
by 100 has long been the standard of arriving at a number to reflect one’s IQ. The
average IQ is often stated as being between 90 and 110, with a certain proportion being
lower and a proportion being higher.
I have an uncle who has never had musical training in his life, yet he can hear a
song and sit down at the piano and reproduce that song note for note. Is this a type of
“intelligence”? If not, how can one explain it? Why do some people simply have this
musical ability and others do not? Another relative of mine is known as the “navigator”
because she can easily visualize spatial settings – that is, when we’re traveling in an
unknown territory, she unerringly gets us to the place we’re going without the use of
maps or other outside sources. As someone who is quickly disoriented in unfamiliar
Comment [SL7]: Great examples! They really help
illustrate your point.
Comment [SL8]: Since this paragraph introduces the
topic of IQ tests, it should come before the second-to-
last paragraph, which elaborates on this topic.
Comment [SL9]: Remember to keep your language
objective; “I” statements shouldn’t be used in
informative writing. You also may want to consider
revising this topic sentence to more accurately convey
the main idea of the paragraph.
Comment [SL10]: Revise for non-objective language.
Sophia Pathways for College Credit – English Composition I
settings, this sure sense of direction and place is something to admire as a form of
intelligence.
At best, however, IQ scores are mere estimations of human intelligence. What of
the person, perhaps a person like Walter, who does not perform well on a written test?
Is an IQ score based on these tests truly reflective of his level of intelligence? What of
my uncle who can play a tune on a guitar with no training but who may stumble to
answer a question based on logic or reasoning? Because the word “intelligent” has so
many possible interpretations and so many possible ways of manifesting itself in the
physical world, I reject the idea that it can be accurately measured by a series of written
tests designed by some supposedly intelligent professors in a laboratory. People who
consider only intellectual prowess as a sign of intelligence are not very intelligent
themselves.
In conclusion, I believe the definition of the word “intelligent” should be expanded
to include the many different types of intelligence that human beings possess. Someone
may be “book smart,” but someone else may be “street smart,” and I don’t believe that
one is more intelligent than the other.
Comment [SL11]: Revise these sentences to remove
non-objective language.
Comment [SL12]: You have a good start to the
conclusion, but you will want to expand more on the
main idea of the essay, as well as remove the
instances of non-objective language.
Sophia Pathways for College Credit – English Composition I
Think About Your Writing:
1. What is the significance of your essay? Why should your reader care about
what you have written? (2-3 sentences)
I think readers will care about the essay because it can affect the way we think about who we
consider to be “intelligent” and who we consider to be less than “intelligent.” I’ve experienced
this in my own life as I was a bartender for many years before I attended college. Working in the
service industry, I had grown accustomed to being considered less intelligent than my
professional and college-educated customers. No matter that I successfully managed a
business, worked efficiently to provide quality service, and consistently increased profits, I was
merely the “bartender.” I think it’s important to recognize that intelligence has a larger definition
and far greater implications than a number from an outdated intelligence test.
2. What areas of your draft do you think will benefit most from revision? (2-3
sentences)
I’m a bit unsure about the organization of my draft. I am not sure I have achieved a good flow of
ideas because I struggled a bit with linking my ideas together to make a cohesive piece of
writing. I’m also not sure if I retained focus in each paragraph and sufficiently supported each
topic sentence. In general, I’m satisfied with my first draft, but I know the essay can be improved
in content, focus, and relooking at my “big ideas.”
3. Consider the strengths and weaknesses of your writing. How can you
capitalize on your strengths and improve on your weaknesses in future
essays? (3-4 sentences)
It’s fairly easy for me to draft an essay. I think of my main points and write a paragraph about
each of them, and I try to make the introduction interesting and to sum up my main points in the
conclusion. My weakness, I think, is that I’d like to be finished after my first draft, but I’m
learning that revision and producing multiple drafts is what turns an OK piece of writing into a
solidly academic piece of writing. For future essays, I will take this into consideration as I write
and know that I what I produce the first time doesn’t have to be perfect and that it is during
revision and editing that I can polish my work and say what I want to say in the most effective
way possible.
SCORING APPEARS ON THE NEXT PAGE
Sophia Pathways for College Credit – English Composition I
SCORING for Sample Touchstone 2.2
The sample essay was evaluated according to the Touchstone 2.2 Rubric, which includes either the
Image Analysis OR Expanded Definition Essay. This particular essay was written using the expanded
definition approach. The rubric evaluates the expanded definition, the working thesis statement,
organization, style and tone, focus, conventions, and responses to the “Think About Your Writing”
questions. Each rubric area is evaluated according to the performance level.
Expanded Definition
The writer has met the criteria established for writing an extended definition. The writer has chosen a
meaningful word and used critical thinking and logical reasoning to expand its meaning. With insight,
thoughtful discussion, and real-life examples, the writer has created a strong rationale for expanding the
definition of the word “intelligence”
Area Score: Advanced
Working Thesis
The essay has a clear and focused thesis: “I believe the definition of “intelligent” should be broadened to
include physical actions as well as intellectual actions.” The thesis is appropriately narrowed and states
the central claim of the essay. However, it should be revised to use more objective language by removing
the phrase “I believe.”
Area Score: Proficient
Organization
The essay has an introduction with a thesis, an adequate number of body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
Body paragraphs contain a topic sentence and supporting details. The writer generally uses transitions
effectively within paragraphs, but the order of a few body paragraphs could be revised to improve flow
and some topic sentences can be improved to better reflect the information in the body paragraph.
Area Score: Acceptable
Style and Tone
Generally the writer does use effective style and word choices. However there exist multiple instances in
which the writer uses repetitive sentence types, a non-objective tone, or includes personal observations
which are not effective for informative writing. The writer uses logic and examples to support the thesis
and purpose.
Area Score: Needs Improvement
Sophia Pathways for College Credit – English Composition I
Focus
Overall, the writer does a good job including relevant details and making connections between the
working thesis statement and supporting details. However, there are a few sentences which include
personal detail, as noted in the annotations. While they support the thesis, they detract from the focus of
the essay and should be edited.
Area Score: Proficient
Conventions
The writer has made few spelling, punctuation, grammar, usage, or mechanics. The errors made were
minor and did not detract from the essay.
Area Score: Advanced
“Think About Your Writing” Questions
The answers to the questions are thoughtful and insightful. The answers effectively address the question
and either adhere to or exceed the length guidelines. Additionally, the writer appropriately color coded his
thesis and topic sentences.
Area Score: Advanced
TOTAL SCORE: PROFICIENT: 8/10
On the whole, this informative essay does a nice job of exploring an alternate definition for a meaningful
term. The exploration of the term is detailed and well thought out. The writer uses an primarily
informative style while maintaining a clear focus on the topic. Development of the core ideas could be
improved, edits could be made to make the tone more objective and to vary sentence style in a few
paragraphs, and the rearrangement of a few paragraphs would improve the flow and clarify connections
between ideas. Overall, the composition meets the requirements of the prompt and offers a compelling
discussion of the definition of a term.
Touchstones are projects that illustrate your comprehension of the course material, help you refine skills, and demonstrate application of knowledge. You can
work on a Touchstone anytime, but you can’t submit it until you have completed the Unit’s Challenges. Once you’ve submitted a Touchstone, it will be graded
and counted toward your final course score.
Touchstone 4: Argumentative Essay
ASSIGNMENT: Write a 4-6 page (approximately 1000-1500 word) argumentative essay using the classical model supported by evidence and research.
Sample Argumentative Essay
In order to foster learning and growth, all essays you submit must be newly written specifically for this course. Any recycled work will be sent back with a
0, and you will be given one attempt to redo the Touchstone.
A. Instructions
Remember the word “argument” does not mean a fight in a writing context. An academic argument is more like a thoughtful conversation between two
people with differing viewpoints on a debatable issue. However, you are required to take a position on one side of the issue.
In order to foster learning and growth, all essays you submit must be newly written specifically for this course. Any recycled work will be sent back with a 0,
and you will be given one attempt to redo the touchstone.
Your submission must include an APA style reference page following the essay. In your research, you will need 2-4 credible primary or secondary sources to
use as support in your essay.
On a separate page, below your reference page, include thoughtful answers to the Think About Your Writing questions. References and Think About Your
Writing questions are NOT included in the word count for this essay.
B. Think About Your Writing
Below your reference page, include answers to all of the following reflection questions.
1. What have you learned about how to present a strong argument? How could/will you apply this knowledge in your professional or everyday life (3-4
Not Submitted Submitted Scored
You can work on a Touchstone whenever you want, but you must complete
the previous assessments in the Unit before you can submit it. SUBMIT TOUCHSTONE
It takes 5-7 business days for a Touchstone to be graded once it’s been submitted.
UNIT 4 — TOUCHSTONE 4: Argumentative Essay
SCORE
-/100
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sentences)? Sophia says: Think about the specific skills and techniques that you used while developing and writing your essay. What tools will you take with
you from this experience?
2. Consider the English Composition I course as a whole. What have you learned about yourself as a writer (5-6 sentences)? Sophia says: What did you
learn that surprised you? Is there anything that you have struggled with in the past that you now feel more confident about?
C. Argumentative Essay Guidelines
Refer to the checklist below throughout the writing process. Do not submit your research essay until it meets these guidelines.
Argumentative Topic and Thesis Statement
❒ Have you included a thesis that takes a clear, specific position on one side of a debatable issue?
Argument Development
❒ Are all of the details relevant to the purpose of your essay?
❒ Is the argument supported using rhetorical appeals and source material?
❒ Is your essay 4-6 pages (approximately 1000-1500 words)? If not, which details do you need to add or delete?
Research
❒ Have you cited outside sources effectively using quotation, summary, or paraphrase?
❒ Are the sources incorporated smoothly, providing the reader with signal phrases and context for the source information?
❒ Have you referenced a range of 2-4 credible sources?
❒ Have you included an APA style reference page below your essay?
Organization and
Flow
❒ Is there an introduction, conclusion, adequate body paragraphs, and a counterargument?
❒ Is the argument presented in a logical order and easy for the reader to follow?
❒ Are there transitions within and between paragraphs?
Style
❒ Are the word choices accurate and effective?
❒ Are the sentence structures varied?
Conventions and
Formatting
❒ Have you properly cited your sources according to APA style guidelines?
❒ Have you double-checked for correct grammar, punctuation, spelling, formatting, and capitalization?
❒ Have you proofread for typos?
Before You Submit
❒ Have you answered all of the Think About Your Writing questions on a separate page below your reference page? Are your answers thoughtful and
included insights, observations, and/or examples in all responses?
❒ Does your submission include your essay, followed by your reference page, followed by your Think About Your Writing questions?
D. Rubric
Advanced (100%) Proficient (85%) Acceptable (75%) Needs
Improvement
(50%)
Non-Performance
(0%)
Argumentative Topic
and Thesis Statement
Take a clear position on
a debatable topic.
Includes an argumentative
thesis that takes a well-
articulated, clear, specific
position on one side of a
debatable issue.
Includes an argumentative
thesis that takes a clear,
specific position on one side
of a debatable issue.
Includes an argumentative
thesis that takes a clear
position on one side of a
debatable issue; however, it
lacks specificity.
Includes an argumentative
thesis on a debatable topic;
however, it lacks specificity
and/or does not take a clear
position.
Does not include a thesis,
includes a thesis that does
not take a position, and/or
the topic is not debatable.
Argument
Development and
Support
Have a clear argument
on a debatable topic and
sufficient support
Details are highly relevant and
clearly support the argument
of the essay. Argument is
thoroughly developed; the
argument is consistently and
effectively supported using
rhetorical appeals and source
material.
Details are relevant and
support the argument of the
essay. Argument is well
developed; the argument is
supported using rhetorical
appeals and source material.
Details are predominantly
relevant and generally
support the argument, though
some details may be
irrelevant and/or distracting.
Argument is not fully
developed; the argument is
supported by rhetorical
appeals and source material;
however, some aspects of the
argument or support are
neglected.
Details are often irrelevant
and frequently distract from
the argument of the essay.
Argument is poorly
developed; there is little
evidence of rhetorical appeals
and/or source material
support.
Details are irrelevant and
distract from the argument.
Argument is not developed
and/or the composition is not
argumentative.
Organization
Exhibit competent
organization and writing
techniques.
Includes all of the required
components of an
argumentative research paper,
including an introduction with
relevant and engaging
background information and
an argumentative thesis, an
adequate number of body
paragraphs each with a topic
sentence, a body paragraph
addressing
counterargument(s), and a
conclusion with a concluding
statement.
Includes all of the required
components of an
argumentative research paper,
including an introduction with
background information, an
argumentative thesis, an
adequate number of body
paragraphs each with a topic
sentence, a body paragraph
addressing
counterargument(s), and a
conclusion with a concluding
statement.
Includes nearly all of the
required components of an
argumentative research
paper; however, one
component is missing.
Includes most of the required
components of an
argumentative research paper,
but is lacking two
components. Sequences
ideas and paragraphs such
that the connections between
ideas (within and between
paragraphs) are sometimes
unclear and the reader may
have difficulty following the
progression of the argument.
Lacks several or all of the
components of an
argumentative research
paper. Sequences ideas and
paragraphs such that the
connections between ideas
(within and between
paragraphs) are often unclear
and the reader has difficulty
following the progression of
the argument.
Flow
Establish and maintain a
logical flow.
Sequences ideas and
paragraphs logically and uses
smooth transitions (within and
between paragraphs) such that
the reader can easily follow the
progression of ideas.
Sequences ideas and
paragraphs logically and uses
transitions (within and
between paragraphs) such
that the reader can easily
follow the progression of
ideas.
Primarily sequences ideas
and paragraphs logically and
uses sufficient transitions
(within and between
paragraphs) such that the
reader can generally follow
the progression of ideas.
The progression of ideas is
often difficult to follow, due to
poor sequencing, ineffective
transitions, and/or insufficient
transitions.
The progression of ideas is
consistently difficult to follow,
due to poor sequencing and
lack of transitions.
Advanced (100%) Proficient (85%) Acceptable (75%) Needs
Improvement
(50%)
Non-Performance
(0%)
Research
Incorporate sources
through effective
quotations, paraphrases,
and summaries.
Cites all outside sources
appropriately, incorporates
sources smoothly and
effectively through direct
quotation, paraphrase, or
summary. References 2-4
credible primary or secondary
sources.
Primarily cites outside sources
appropriately, incorporates
sources effectively through
direct quotation, paraphrase,
or summary. References 2-4
credible primary or secondary
sources.
Generally cites outside
sources appropriately,
primarily incorporates
sources effectively through
direct quotation, paraphrase,
or summary. References 2-4
credible primary or secondary
sources.
Cites outside sources, but
most sources are cited
improperly; generally
incorporates sources through
direct quotation, paraphrase,
or summary. References 2-4
primary or secondary sources,
but some sources may not be
effective or appropriate for the
essay’s argument.
Does not cite sources, or
citation is consistently
inappropriate. Does not
reference sources and/or
sources are not credible or
appropriate.
Style
Establish a consistent,
informative tone and
make thoughtful stylistic
choices.
Demonstrates thoughtful and
effective word choices, avoids
redundancy and imprecise
language, and uses a wide
variety of sentence structures.
Demonstrates effective word
choices, primarily avoids
redundancy and imprecise
language, and uses a variety
of sentence structures.
Demonstrates generally
effective style choices, but
may include occasional
redundancies, imprecise
language, poor word choice,
and/or repetitive sentence
structures.
Frequently includes poor word
choices, redundancies,
imprecise language, and/or
repetitive sentence structures.
Excessively demonstrates
poor word choices,
redundancies, imprecise
language, and/or repetitive
sentence structures.
Conventions
Follow conventions for
standard English.
There may be a few negligible
errors in grammar, punctuation,
spelling, capitalization,
formatting, and usage.
There are occasional minor
errors in grammar,
punctuation, spelling,
capitalization, formatting, and
usage.
There are some significant
errors in grammar,
punctuation, spelling,
capitalization, formatting, and
usage.
There are frequent significant
errors in grammar,
punctuation, spelling,
capitalization, formatting, and
usage.
There are consistent
significant errors in grammar,
punctuation, spelling,
capitalization, formatting, and
usage.
Formatting
Execute formatting
according to
requirements.
Consistently adheres to APA
formatting requirements for in-
text citations and the
References page.
Primarily adheres to APA
formatting requirements for in-
text citations and the
References page, such that
formatting errors are minimal.
Adequately adheres to APA
formatting requirements for
in-text citations and the
References page, such that
formatting errors are
occasional.
Inadequately adheres to APA
formatting requirements for in-
text citations and the
References page, such that
formatting errors are common.
Does not adhere to APA
formatting requirements for
in-text citations and the
References page, such that
formatting errors are
pervasive.
Think About Your
Writing
Reflect on progression
and development
throughout the course.
Demonstrates thoughtful
reflection; consistently includes
insights, observations, and/or
examples in all responses.
Answers all reflection
questions effectively, following
or exceeding response length
guidelines.
Demonstrates thoughtful
reflection; includes multiple
insights, observations, and/or
examples. Answers all
reflection questions
effectively, following response
length guidelines.
Primarily demonstrates
thoughtful reflection, but
some responses are lacking
in detail or insight. Answers
all reflection questions,
primarily following response
length guidelines.
Shows limited reflection; the
majority of responses are
lacking in detail or insight.
Answers reflection questions
inadequately: may not answer
all of the questions and/or
may not follow response
length guidelines.
Does not answer the majority
of reflection questions or the
majority of answers do not
follow response length
guidelines.
E. Requirements
• The essay should be 4-6 pages (approximately 1000-1500 words in length
• Argumentative Essay Guidelines must be followed or submission will not be graded
• Double-space the essay and use 1-inch margins
• Use a readable 12-point font
• All writing must be appropriate for an academic context
• Composition must be original and written for this assignment
• Plagiarism of any kind is strictly prohibited
• Submission should include your name, the name of the course, the date, and the title of your composition
• Your submission must include the essay, reference page, and your answers to the rlefection questions
• Submit a single file only, including all assignment components
• Acceptable file formats include and x.
F. Additional Resources
The following resources will be helpful to you as you work on this assignment:
. Purdue Online Writing Lab’s APA Formatting and Style Guide
a. This site includes a comprehensive overview of APA style, as well as individual pages with guidelines for specific citation types.
. Frequently Asked Questions About APA Style
a. This page on the official APA website addresses common questions related to APA formatting. The “References,” “Punctuation,” and “Grammar and
Writing Style” sections will be the most useful to your work in this course.
. APA Style: Quick Answers—References
a. This page on the official APA Style website provides numerous examples of reference list formatting for various source types.
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Running head:
English Composition I
2
English Composition I
Problem with Submission
Explanation:
Mohammed: I am returning this touchstone to you ungraded because it does not effectively follow the instructions. For this touchstone, you are asked you to explain an extended definition of beauty; moving beyond the traditional definitions. For example, extending the definition of beauty to include inner qualities instead of outer qualities. Your essay discusses beauty as it related to outer qualities instead of a unique definition of beauty.
Please review the touchstone instructions, rubric, checklist, and sample touchstone, if provided, for additional guidance. If you have any questions on this information, please email the
Sophia Learning
Coaches at learningcoach@sophiau.org. Thank you, Lisa.
Re-defining beauty
Mohammed Alshaghathirah Comment by Lisa Quigley: Hi Mohammed, Lisa here, your grader for this touchstone☺️
Sophia Learning
EnglishComposition
Re-defining beauty
What makes an individual or something beautiful? Growing up, every individual has come across movie stars, celebrities or models, who have embodied what is referred as the ‘perfect’ body or facial features. Society has put much emphasis on traits such as the body size, height or skin color and physical attraction while defining beauty. As a result, this has set a certain mindset of trying to live up to those unreasonable traits or versions, established by the so-called societal intellectual strata. For example: the Korean beauty standards, which prioritizes small face, pale skin, large eyes, slim figure, smooth skin and straight eyebrows. Merriam Webster online dictionary defines beauty as “aggregated of qualities” in an individual or something, which “gives pleasure to sense” or “pleasurably exalts the spirit or the mind”. Most people would say, what makes one beautiful it’s their body shape, facial features and other common traits, which people seek out. From personal re-definition, beauty is a full expression, which makes one feel good, regardless of the flaws and does not include any specific traits or standards because it is different for each person. As such, from a personal perspective, the definition of beauty should be more stereo-defying, diverse, inclusive as well as daring. Comment by Lisa Quigley: Effective use of a question to begin your essay.
The idea that beauty has particular qualities or standards is obsolete in nature because beauty encompasses different facets, which are beyond those stereotypes. Historically, beauty industries and beauty ideals have been dominated by certain selective and small visual representations. For example: the ideal “beauty”, as defined by beauty industries and the media has always been beautiful women are those with clear-skin, feminine appearance, slim and tall. But, in a real sense, beauty can be compared to art. When an individual encounters a great piece of artifact, how that piece of artwork evokes feelings to them, is completely different from others depending on who is looking. In addition, the meaning of an artwork is always more than what is on the canvas. This applies to beauty, many individuals or things have an amazing canvas- that is pleasurable qualities- which some people refer to as beauty. But, what one sees or feels behind those qualities makes one or something beautiful. As such, a woman with a slim figure and another with a curvy figure are both beautiful, it depends on what one sees or feels beyond those diverse traits that makes them truly beautiful. Therefore, those beauty stereotypes such as beautify or beauty lies on physical attraction should be broken and a more diverse definition should be established.
Limiting beauty to certain features or traits, which provide pleasure to sense, ignores the fact that society has a representation of different races, body types and more. As such, the definition should not only be diverse but also inclusive. This involves making beauty qualities or standards accessible to the people irrespective of skin tone, sexual identity, age, and race or body type. Inclusive and diverse beauty is the acceptance of all things or humans from all backgrounds, appearances or abilities. The issue of defining beauty with certain qualities or having beauty standards is extremely isolating for many people, who do not fit into these narratives. Take an example of American beauty standards, which have strict expectations of how a physical attractiveness should be such as being thin and blue-eyed. This set specific qualities or requirements, which limits many people to desire unattainable beauty. However, for example; Fenty Beauty owned by Rihanna is known for promoting women and men from all the races, sizes, and brands. This portrays that Rihanna’s view of beauty is not only diverse but also inclusive, as it portrays some form of acceptance to different perspectives or types of beauty. This is an example of a diverse and inclusive view of beauty.
Beauty can be referred to as both subjective and objective. Well, according to research philosophers have different views on beauty and have not agreed on whether beauty is primarily objective or subjective. Great ancient philosophers such as Aristotle, Socrates and Plotinus, agreed that beauty can be primarily objective, in terms of beautiful things or people are really beautiful regardless of what one or another person feels or thinks. On the other hand, beauty can also be referred to as subjective in the sense that different individuals, different things or people are beautiful. Viewing beauty on its subjective side, “Beauty is the eye of the beholder.” For example: those individuals that are perceived to have “perfect” facial features or bodies might be unappealing to another depending on how they make them feel. Does this mean all these beauty qualities and standard influence or limit one’s definition of beauty? If yes, does it mean all these traditional and modern views of beauty are just a social or cultural pressure but in real sense beauty means different to each individual?
In conclusion, the concept of beauty can be challenging to define as beauty can be subjective- that comes from within- or objective. In addition, defending beauty can be hard taking into consideration all the diverse concepts within beauty according to different people, beliefs or cultures. As such, from a personal perspective, the definition of beauty should be broadened to be more inclusive, daring, diverse as well as stereo-defying. An individual might be thick and another one might be slim, but they all portray beauty depending on how one sees or feels about them.
Think about Your Writing
Part 2: questions
1.
What is the significance of your essay? Why should readers care about what you have written? (2-3 sentences).
Having people decide what is beautiful or not, whether thin or fat has always been a way of living, in which people succumb to. This essay helps the reader understand that the concept of ‘beauty’ is broader and what we define as beautiful should not be inclusive but also diverse without considering all beauty stereotypes. I believe that my readers will care about what I have written because not only will it broaden their understanding of beauty but also help them let go of the impossible standards and understand what is considered as a flaw in society can also be beautiful. For example, having stretch marks, being thick or ancient buildings.
2.
Which areas of your draft do you think will benefit most from revision? (2-3 sentences)
In the first revision, I tried focusing more on the overall organization of the draft and the big picture. However, I think more strengthening on each paragraph might be needed. As such, I think my overall organization will benefit the most from revision.
3.
Consider the strengths and weaknesses of your writing. How can you capitalize on your strengths and improve on your weaknesses in future essays? (3-4 sentences)
One of my main weaknesses is writing deficiencies, where I find it challenging figuring out how to write down my ideas or what I am thinking. However, I can improve this by making writing one of my daily exercises and always getting feedback from others. As for my strengths, such as I really enjoy writing, I will use them to outweigh all my weak areas for the future essay.
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Formatting
Title Page
Citation
Outline
