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1
Respond to the Classmate’s Discussion as you would
in a face-to face class by stating why you agree with
their discussion, asking questions and stating your
point of view.
Discussion (Stevie)
As I was reading through Chapter 8 of the text this week (Erford, 2017), I thought about
my twin nieces. They’re around kindergarten age right now and one of them is having a
very difficult time with her emotions. She is naturally more sensitive than the other,
which is not a “bad” thing at all, but is a challenge for my sister and brother-in-law in how
to navigate it. About a year or so ago when they were closer to preschool age, my sister
had to put two dogs down. One was very old and they watched her decline over time, so
her death wasn’t a surprise, but the other died before his time and it was more sudden.
He had a cancerous tumor that my sister tried to stop the spread of by having to remove
one of his legs (she’s a vet), but it was too late by the time they realized he had cancer.
They did their best to talk with the twins about it, but poor things had to add grief to
their limited emotions and too soon. They were also coming out of COVID and being
told they couldn’t interact with others or even play on the playgrounds because they
could get sick. And then hearing about people dying. I feel so much for kids that went
through COVID lockdown and not being able to fully understand. The more sensitive
twin has been having issues ever since. She developed strong fear and intense
separation anxiety thinking her parents could die when they left her presence, even if
they went to the other room. And they hadn’t started school yet, so they had at least
one parent with them at all times. It was heartbreaking and they didn’t know how to help
her. At the same time, she developed a stutter, which was hard for my niece and I think
caused some anger. Since, my sister has put her in counseling as well as speech therapy
and those seem to be helping. She no longer has a stutter, but now she’s got some
intense anger that is coming out in some interesting ways that seem somewhat outside
of the “normal” range for a kid that age. Her parents are being very patient with her, but
I can tell they’re frustrated. I feel for all of them. By what the book says about children at
that age already pushing boundaries and having to learn to regulate more complex
emotions on top of sort of forced trauma, grief, and fear, I couldn’t imagine.
I’ve always thought Adler’s view on birth order was interesting. I don’t think it
completely applies to my sisters and I to a “t” (except for maybe the middle/second
child… it describes her pretty well, ha), but I was interested in what his view of twins
were having my nieces in mind, so I looked it up. The website I found says that the birth
order can sort of be determined by who was born first, but that twins typically organize
themselves by their place in the family and can alternate between birth orders (Fiero,
2020). I actually am not sure who was “born” first with the C-section my sister had, but I
know for a fact that she and her husband don’t respond to them in that way. They try to
do everything equally for them and don’t impose birth order onto them. Anyway, I
thought that was interesting and it sort of makes me curious if the more sensitive niece
is having some issues because she’s trying to figure out her place in the family. I’m not
sure though.
References
Erford, B.T. (2017). An advanced lifespan odyssey for counseling professionals (1st
ed.). Brooks/Cole, Cengage Learning
Fiero, P.P. (2020). Does birth order affect twins? VeryWell
Family. https://www.verywellfamily.com/birth-order-and-twins-2446666Links to an
external site.
Respond to the Classmate’s Discussion as you would
in a face-to face class by stating why you agree with
their discussion, asking questions and stating your
point of view.
Discussion (Dave)
The family constellation of Adler’s Individual Psychology. This is something I’ve noticed
in my three children. My oldest is more responsible and organized, my middle child is
also competitive, and my baby is more affectionate and gets exactly what he wants. I
agree with (Stone) that when I see children acting out and doing things to get attention, I
ignore their negative attention and focus on their positive actions.
I am the oldest and most organized, as well as the highest achiever, while my sister, the
middle child, strives to be unique, but my brother is the baby, and believe me when I say
he gets exactly what he wants, when he wants it. When an older sibling dies, I believe
the child next to them will adopt the oldest characteristics, and so on with the siblings. I
recall the Brady Bunch Show, particularly Alice. I’ve also had instances where people
who are considered family are not actually family. My aunt welcomes children into her
home because she believes that raising children requires a village. She adores children
and raises them as if they were her own.
https://www.verywellfamily.com/birth-order-and-twins-2446666
https://www.verywellfamily.com/birth-order-and-twins-2446666
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